Propaganda for Presence

Not to toot my own horn, but I think I have something figured out here about this whole presence thing.

If you're properly keeping up, my last entry had an intro hook inspired by Mamma Mia's "Money Money Money" taking over my calming playlist, and used that to dive into my intense struggle between money makes the world go round but sometimes it doesn't always give you your dreams.

Well, last week, money didn't exactly give me my dreams, but "Money Money Money" sure did.

So, I've been in my one-point Barcelona, one-point LA mindset for a minute now. And guess what? I learned that's a really freaking shitty way to go through life. No kidding, you're probably thinking.

Look, take it from me, or don't, and live your way to learn the hard truth that absence is the true thief of joy. Presence is its keeper.

The night before my big awakening, one of many now I've had in my short-long lifetime, I pulled the emergency plug. I called my life coach. That bad. Yes, yes it was.

We did something called a perspectives training. I kid you not, the desperation was so intense that I had to switch spots in my tiny apartment bedroom to see if a new way of looking at my current circumstances could arise.

Some of the thoughts: take it in, it's not coming yet, pull in to be pulled out. I went with take it in, and we teased the idea of acting like I already decided I am going to follow my dream.

Now, all I have to do is let the carpet unfold. And wow, was that carpet red!

The next day, I no longer moved like a sluggish, moping fraction of a human. I was me! Or at least, a little closer.

I remembered just a little bit more who the fuck I am. And I started by letting my friend Intuition take my hand.

First, she took me to the coffee shop. I told her no Intuition, I only drink coffee in the office to save money. She said she didn't give a fuck.

As my name got called for my shitty coffee that made me want to throw up that I spent 9 dollars on something I could've made upstairs, my manager said, "Hudson!"

Soon we were engulfed in a conversation that wouldn't have happened otherwise. Away from the office walls, I broke character just enough to boldly tell her that I discovered the undisclosed intern event that we were supposed to just show up, ask no questions, and leave from was a pre-dinner for the opening night of Mamma Mia! in LA. I foolishly (then) told her it was my favorite movie and watched her give me a knowing smile.

The day prior, a shift happened at the office. Someone moved on, and in the reshuffle a seat opened up, the kind of seat I'd pictured myself in give or take 20 years from now. As much as I told myself I made it up, there was a joke made to break the ice that maybe I'd just skip the line.

Almost as a reminder I'm not crazy, when I came upstairs, I pretended not to listen as I heard my name floating around a conversation it had no business being in yet. Next, I was being ushered into my manager's office and told the seat was mine. The play of my favorite movie, the one I've been manifesting since my last blog.

I smiled and graciously thanked her, trying desperately and barely succeeding to hide the fact that I was screaming over Presence's ability to jump 20 years’ worth of timelines and make a dream come true. The cherry on top was the call that came through asking if the steak that was pre-ordered would be alright with me. Oh yes, totally fine.

And from that point forward, I became an undercover catwoman. I grabbed a dress I almost didn't buy while shopping for work clothes. It’s this shimmering gold dress that was literally staring back at me. My mom tried to refocus me on the agenda, but upon first glance, she was also swept away. It was added to the work tab, and what I didn’t know then, was that it somehow was going to weave its way into the corporate world.

And girl, was she perfect. She doubled as a skirt to wear with my intern polo for the portion of the event I had to "work" and was the second look for the main event: Mamma Mia! once my cover could be blown.

When I joined the clients, some tried to ask, "Weren't you just outside ushering us in?" as I pretended I didn't know who that was.

Soon, I was watching a talk show on the intersection of art and business, watching my manager smile at me, realizing her stunt was paying off.

Then we were off to the show. My manager and I opened our ticket envelopes and Intuition and Presence revealed we had seats right next to each other in our own row. The rest of the company in front and behind us.

We danced, laughed, sang, I almost cried, and definitely forgot she's supposed to be evaluating me at the end of the summer for a full-time job offer.

And this is exactly the energy I will be cultivating from this point forward.

Do we crave a direct path to where we think we want to be? Duh, it's called having ambition.

But what Ambition forgets is that she hired Presence and Intuition, and those two don't do straight lines. They do detours that turn out to be the whole point.

I acted as I'd already decided. All I had to do was let the carpet unfold. Turns out you don't get to see how red it is until you start walking.

Mamma Mia!

Here we go again.